Who is the bigger Jackass?
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, I found myself wondering and asking my angels, guides, and Akashic Record Keepers a variation of the age-old question, “Which comes first the chicken or the egg?”
Only my version of that question is related to relationships. During the years after my divorce and before I found my new husband, I went through many “relationship” trials and experiences. I did not date much when I was younger, so I found myself learning these things in my 40’s.
I realized that the more I cared about another person, the more my own insecurities and fears would rise to the surface. Each time those arose, I would ask myself, “is this my fear, or is this my intuition telling me that something is amiss?” Each time I ended up convincing myself that it was just my fears and to work through them for my own benefit.
Eventually that relationship would come to an end, and I would find myself questioning again if it was my fear manifesting itself (fears of abandonment, not being lovable, insecurities, etc). I had finally decided I no longer wanted to continue repeating this pattern of fear, pain, and doubt. I no longer wanted to create a self-fulfilling prophecy of disappointment and sadness. So I went into my Akashic records and began to ask those questions once again. What I was given was a scenario/analogy that would allow me to better understand the subtleties of what had been playing throughout my experiences and my energy field.
He chose to be with another woman. His choice was not a manifestation of my fear. His choice was not made to inflict pain upon me. His choice was simply his choice. If I felt pain (fear, insecurity) it is simply because I chose to view his choice in such a way to match the vibration of my fears and insecurities that were present within me. I did not create it, predict it, I simply matched it.
I chose to perceive his choice in such a way as to match my fears, which makes it seem like his choice is a manifestation of my fears, like I made that happen. Then I would tell myself, “See, I was right. I was right to fear or to worry about the relationship.” Then, of course, that was followed by “I manifested that behavior because of my fears!” (the pattern of the self-fulfilling prophecy)
No, I did not make him choose another woman. I did not make him retreat from me. His choices and actions have nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him. He was simply having his own life experience based upon where he was in his life, wrestling with his own inner demons.
I now understand that I, and I alone, define all actions, words, and deeds of others. Yes, they are the ones speaking those words, performing those actions, and doing those deeds. Yet, in the end, it is up to me as to how I choose to perceive those actions, words, and deeds. I define what they mean to me. I could choose to let them roll off my back without another thought as I continue to focus on what is good and right within my world, or I can choose to assign great intensity of emotions…be them happy or painful.
And, it is up to you. Even now, as you read these words, you will define what they mean to you. You will define if these words are meaningless, or if they create that wonderful “a-ha” feeling. The words are what they are, they aren’t going to change for each person reading this. Yet, each one of you will walk away with a slightly different understanding or viewpoint or reaction.
So the next time you feel hurt, frustrated, or in pain, because of the words or actions of another, ask yourself, “Is this really how I choose to define this moment?” “Is this really what I choose to accept as truth?” And, if you want to dig even deeper, ask “What can I do to heal that which in within me that is resonating or matching the frequency of this pain so I no longer need to feel it, or react to it?”
And, my dear friends, consider this…
If someone yells at you or says something hurtful, it may have only taken a few minutes of your life to have that experience. The other person played a part in your life for a few moments. YOU, on the other hand, continue to replay that moment, rehash that moment, and drag that moment on for much more than just a few moments of your life. In the moment of the argument you may have even convinced yourself that the person yelling at you was a jackass for acting in such a way.
I ask you, who is the bigger jackass, that person for participating once, or you for continuing to inflict the pain and suffering ON YOURSELF over and over and over and over again? (Of course I say that with love and a bit of laughter, having been that “jackass” myself on many occasions.)
Did you know that your brain does not distinguish the difference between viewing something live and recalling that same something later? The same firing patterns in the brain occur while viewing a vase on a table as recalling what the vase looked like on that same table. The same firing patterns in the brain would also release the same biochemical response. So whatever emotional response you had “live” is the same emotional and biochemical response you have create each time you revisit that moment in time, something you are doing to yourself! So again, who is the bigger jackass? The one who “caused” the pain the first time around, or you for subjecting yourself to the same response multiple times?
I don’t know about you, but I think I am tired of being a jackass. Ü
Kathy McGinn~The Soul Whisperer